A 2-week stress-reducing blueprint to negotiate the shared workload at home
Juggling the workload at home is a source of dissatisfaction in many marriages these days.
This 2 Week Blueprint includes:
Straightforward tips for preparing for a productive conversation so that the two of you are aligned and getting along about this topic.
A script you can use and customize to navigate this otherwise emotionally charged subject
Pointers for what to do after the conversation so that you don’t sabotage all the good work the two of you did.
Click here for a free script and brainstorming organizer!
Prepare
It's important that you think about the attitude you bring to the conversation. Remember attitudes influence whether talking leads to conflict or the results you are looking for.
If your spouse feels accused, blamed or belittled, they are likely to become defensive and the conversation won't be productive.
Rehearse a mindset that is business-like when approaching this topic, especially if it has been a source of conflict in the past.
Ask to get on your spouse's calendar for a 60-90 minute appointment. Let them know that managing the workload at home will be the agenda item. Reassure them that this won't be a time for airing your dissatisfaction, but rather it will be a time for finding solutions.
Find a time and place where emotions can stay in check. Maybe get coffee or dessert in a public space to help you both feel more relaxed and accountable for how you interact. Make sure it is a place your spouse likes too!
The Conversation
Let's brainstorm together and make a list of the chores and responsibilities for the next 2 weeks related to:
Cooking & Cleaning
Yardwork & Repairs
Transporting the Kids
Our Social Calendar
Managing Finances & Shopping
Tech Support
Medical Appointments
What are your highest priorities on the list? These are my highest priorities...
Of this list of highest priorities, which of them do you really, really dislike doing? These are the ones I really, really dislike... Which aren't so bad for you? You don't mind doing them. These are the ones I don't mind doing ... Which are something that you are good at? These are the ones I'm good at...
Let's brainstorm about which of these need to be done in the next 2 weeks.
When we consider our current circumstances and the time we anticipate having in the next 2 weeks, let's take turns picking what we will be responsible for during the next 2 weeks.
Is there anything on our list that must be done, but we aren't able to reasonably do? Do we need to ask for help from friends or family? Do we need to hire someone to take the pressure off of us?
What system will we use so that we don't need to remind each other about their tasks and so that we know when the other person has completed the task? A shared app on the phone? A written checklist on the fridge?
Let's have some flexibility too. If something unexpected happens and one of us needs help, let's let each other know. We are a team with a mutual goal.
Thank you! It means a lot to me that you did this with me!
What was the experience like for you?
What could we tweak to make a conversation like this even better next time?
Before we end, let's schedule a time and place to meet again in 2 weeks to do this again.
Click here for a free script and brainstorming organizer!
After
Refrain from reminding your spouse about the responsibilities they chose. Let them do it on their own, their way.
When you notice that your spouse has done something on their list, say thank you!
Be sure to have some fun together during each 2 week period!
Want more coaching to further improve your relationship?
Call, text or email. I'd love to connect!
©kristinbarnhart     www.kristinbarnhart.com     860-333-8773
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